I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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