Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
