He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
