I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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