I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
