Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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