If i come over, it means nothing
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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