I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
