There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
