you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
