Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
