One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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