...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Randomize
