ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
