he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
only you would photoshop your dick
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I could fuck to npr.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize