Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
