i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
