her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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