When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
