I want to walk on stilts...naked
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
