Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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