Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
my poor anus
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
