I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
