I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
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