he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
