and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
