I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize