the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
