Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
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You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
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Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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