I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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