Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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