Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
