My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Holy shit dude........stairs
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
