I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
