Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
