I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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