she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize