first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize