Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
