I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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