I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
