So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
