Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
