"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
