1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
