dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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