I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
