You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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