Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
