he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
