I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
