I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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