sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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