I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
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vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
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Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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