don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
