So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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