OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
