I will die if light touches me.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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