If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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