I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
