My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
