I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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