i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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