I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
