And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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