There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
40s are totally the cure
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
