you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
