so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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