It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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