I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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