last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
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what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
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And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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