every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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