my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
