Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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