You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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