Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
