I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
